Mourning the Death of a Dream

“Cool morning shadows sadly shift across the floor

Each time we say goodbye it’s harder than before

Even after all the pain of parting still we find

That we must mourn the death of the dreams we leave behind

As I turn my back on all that means the most to me

The sounds and smells, the light that dances on the sea

The greatest gamble is to act on the belief

That only the slave who leaves it all is truly free

The sacrifice that we both lay before His feet

A thousand moments that belonged to us

That now will never be

By faith we hold a better dream inside our hearts

A time when our family will never have to be apart

Till then we struggle with just what it really means

And we will mourn the death of our beautiful dreams

Mourn the death of our beautiful dreams” 

― Michael Card, A Fragile Stone: The Emotional Life of Simon Peter

We must learn how to live with our dreams: broken dreams that leave us deeply hurt inside; dreams we want so badly that we will even claim they are from God Himself; dreams from the deepest parts of us that we think no one else knows about. All of our dreams of pain, passion, and pride must be surrendered to the Dream Giver, the Great Source that provides all we need for this life. He is so jealous for our hearts, for all that we are.

Dreams represent our significance, identity, acceptance, and security. How can I function, if I remove these things from my life? I cannot. With the surrendering of desires and death of dreams comes emptiness. It is not simply good enough to surrender and remove. You must also acquire and replace. With your heart of surrender giving all yourself, pursue also the heart of the Father. Learn Him. Know Him. With the death and removal of your dreams purpose to be filled with new life.

Inappropriate dreams and an improper focus on good dreams causes strife, chaos, dissension, discord, and pride about the whole situation. A proper focus on and synthesis to the heart of the Father brings peace, harmony, cooperation, humility, and a revived spirit!

Here are some encouraging verses:

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:16-18 ESV)

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. (James 4:1-10 ESV)

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. (Isaiah 57:15 ESV)

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:7-14 ESV)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek." Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies. Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence. I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord ! (Psalm 27:1-14 ESV)

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5:6-10 ESV)

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)

But I call to God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me. Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. (Psalm 55:16-18, 22 ESV)

If Satisfied, Why Still Probing?

If the eyes of true passion are closed to enable the supposed bliss of ignorance, is it ever appropriate for the carnal ineptitude of temporal desire to provide the searing awakening to reality?


Why so cold, when eyes still open? If satisfied, why still probing?


For one the door swings wide, but the lethargy of self-complacence derides all potential positive products. Another, myopic to the latent dream contraceptives, belittles the mind to the point of spectatorial necessity.


Can understanding be achieved through brokenness? Or must destruction be its closest ally?


I’m thinking, among other things, about what David Platt said tonight. He talked about going to the world to make disciples. I don’t want to miss what God’s trying to do in my life. I don’t want to idle for 50 years. Even one year. I am asking for direction. With others, if my life is to intersect, collide, or connect, I want to let God do the directing. How foolish would it be to attempt to attach two lives together that God did not desire, or at an improper moment? As well, how inappropriate would it be to keep individuals apart that God desires together? Some are questions of timing, others of factuality. Some: where—others: when—most: how.

3 Incomplete Poems

What better way to begin my annual blog update then with an introduction to 3 incomplete poems I began multiple years ago. All poems are duplicated "as is." Potential. Maybe I’ll finish them some day.

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MY NEW SHOES

All right, check it out. God gave me these sweet, new reversible shoes! I can run really fast in them, normally... Makes for slipping down hills easy. The supposed joy received through the participation of this revelry is instantly gratifying. But when I wanna change, I just have to stop, kneel down and surrender the hold, release the binds, and reverse the covering. From a standing position anyone can proudly see how abnormally ugly these are in reverse. But while lying prone, can one, then only, fully realize the true majesty and beauty of this gift.

All becomes clear, the “emotionally and physically entreating” side is actually mired in some type of adversely formidable adhesive of my own concoction… Whereas the “ugly and repulsive” side is revisioned to be a thing of actual pure and unadulterated merit.

If the latter article is so retrogradedly abhorrent, perceptively speaking, then why do I insist on having a desire to respond to the all but apparent invitation to wear them, willingly? In like manner, for what reason do I bring for entering into willful fraternization with the attractive, when I am fully aware that it ultimately ends in utter despair, with a deep-rooted, inveterate outcome. 9/30/2009
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Listen, to the cries of my heart. Make meaning to the groanings for which words cannot find place. There is heartbeat, yet not feeling. Feeling, yet not meaning. Meaning, yet not movement. Movement, yet not understanding. Cut through the petty, and interpret the Spirit. 5/2/2010
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The Hammer falls. Who is left standing? What remains unscathed? In which direction does the Arrow point? Disregard the pain. Gather the remaining few. Secure the welcome light of the unveiled horizon.

What a bleak and desolate existence. Devoid of feeling we forge on. 9/1/2009
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God has done too many things in my life since the last post to document effectively right now. I will simply have to let you assume they were immensely life altering. The future appears to represent uncertainty, but the surety I claim rests on reasonable faith in a trustworthy provider. The ability that you possess, that is mediated by Jesus the Christ, to offer intercession on my behalf is greatly and humbly—realizing that I have not the resources sufficient, in myself, to accomplish the required—coveted.

Dating Leads To Sex

Now that I have you reading...

Reading the written words of an individual that has studied a topic in-depth can be an exciting—or dangerous—escapade. I have been doing just that. The name’s Meyer, John Meyer. Providing interesting, thought provoking statements and questions is what his article has done for me. These words have driven my thoughts to the evidentially apparent conclusive outcome of additional written words—my notes on his notes. So, follow me, if you will, to a place where only the unwilling return unchanged.

**Preface**

2 Cor 5:14-
Christ died for me so I can live. When I choose Him, I die. I am a new creation—no longer the same. When I choose me(flesh), the real me(Christ-fed) dies (is dead to me). The requirement is for personal death. This enables the Life Source to resurrect the carcass of potential and, through the instigational process of fusing, provide—not only a foundation, but also—a source of sustenance. Interestingly enough, although both parties grow together, if either were to separate, the growth—and ultimately life itself—would immediately cease. He must live through me, if I am to live at all. When I act outside of my new nature, I am acting outside of God’s nature. This grieves Him, for He loves me.

**End of Preface**

The purpose—the correct answer—of a Christian is to determine, and do, what pleases, honors, or reflects God most.

“When our focus is on pleasing ourselves, we ask the question, “What’s wrong with… (doing this or that)?” When our focus is on living for God we ask, “What’s right with… (or pleasing to God in, this or that)?”” —Meyer

Our mission is to make disciples. This supersedes all other things—even lawful things. “And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. 25 For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? Luke 9:23-25 What things is God calling me to give up—things, even, that are lawful? 1 Cor 10:23

Now, my challenge to all who read this *can you write without reading…?* is to really examine your beliefs. Then compare them with Truth. This may look like Godly individuals close to you, (whether by proximity, or otherwise) the principles of scripture, or possibly even straight-up, intimately personal, communication with the Author of Truth. Whatever the case, choose to make this a time of personal evaluation—with the intent of becoming a bearer of freshly grafted wisdom.
No partiality—1 Tim 5:21

• Appearance

Appearance, huh? Are we talking GQ, or the “flee the of evil” kind?

Culturally speaking, when two individuals of the opposite sex choose to seclude themselves, they communicate—without necessary intention—the desire for partiality. Like I said, this isn’t necessarily a “Dude, check it out, we’re exclusive” type of deal. This could merely be an “Oh, look, you’re just around the corner, out of sight. I need to tell you something and that wall looks heavy and I wouldn’t want you to have to hold it by yourself, so I have to lean one arm on the wall beside you to help hold it up. And there might be baby jackals around and I don’t want to wake them up, because they would cry and alert Mama, and she might go check it out… see us… attack us… and then I would have to protect you—and that might be seen as inappropriate… So, I will speak in this hushed tone” kind of thing.

Like I said, completely unintentional.

This is simply a practical, cultural truth. Whether, or not, this is how it ‘should be,’ that is not what I am arguing. No, this simply is “how it is.” Try out this little evaluative exercise: have you ever seen a pair of oppositely sexed individuals secluding themselves from an obvious grouping of peoples? What did/do you think of these two? Have they done anything wrong? Yet? Ever? Regardless, you have certain ‘normal’ thoughts coursing through your mind because of this visual encounter.

• Exclusivity

Meyer has few good things to say, so I’ll let him.

“Dating relationships, by definition, are relationships where there is partiality. By mutual consent these relationships operate in a realm where others are excluded. The intensity of the dating relationship, especially at a young age, almost always creates a two person clique within whatever group it is part of.”

“The commitment of two [dating] people is higher to their own relationship, which others cannot join, than to the overall mission of the group”

“This higher allegiance existing in the midst of the group makes the statement that the two people have something better than what the group itself can offer, making others feel left out and like they are stuck with the “second rate” until they, too, can find a partner.” —Meyer

The only opposite sex relationship that we have scriptural evidence of supported exclusivity is marriage. **If you disagree with this, I will very much appreciate a reprimandation (I do not wish to speak lies)** Exclusiveness is encouraged here. Partiality is not possible in this example, because it is a God-given situation. In other words: “Only you (hypothetical) and I is a good thing.”

This is God’s design. He created two from one, and then He instituted intimate communion into one from two; ~one became two, two become one.~

• Guard your heart—Prov. 4:23

23Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.

The heart, although not desirous of self injury, does not have its best interests at *cough* heart. Do you let a small, mentally underdeveloped (see how I left some older people in there? Sly…) child choose what, where, when, with whom, why, and for how long? **WARNING**PARENTING TIP** No; of course not. The child will end up injured, if not worse. The child must be trained, and so must the heart. Maybe it would be better put: outside influences must be set in place to protect the desirably unharmed (heart, child, antique porcelain statue of a bowling midget, etc).

• Defraudment

God has designed men and women to be attracted to each other. Engaging in exclusivity progressively draws partners together in a natural and methodical manner; it is the way God designed it. This process is highly desirable for those who wish to be wed; it is God’s plan. To partake of this activity is to begin the process of marriage—combining two into one. This process cannot be severed appropriately, once started, without defraudment. Read that last statement again. Determine if you believe it. If not, why? But Nathan, you’re trying to tell me that once I have begun I can’t stop? Yes, simply. If you aren’t going to keep it, don’t go fishing… ^^But Nathan, it’s pretty… and fun!^^ *Sigh*

“Note that these negative effects do not occur because dating was done “improperly”; they are the result of God’s design operating as He intended but in circumstances He did not intend to happen.” —Meyer

Dating—if not abolished—results in intercourse. Good, right? God desires this. God desires that this process, once started, is carried out. Of course, we are talking about a righteous union. You may want to say marriage—that’s fine. I believe—as do I, God—that marriage and sex are synonymous. 1 Cor 6:15,16
I may receive some flak for that—that’s fine.

Now, please hear me on this (if you don’t have ears to hear, I cannot help you). Word titles and cultural connotations can be very confusing. My goal is not to present a new idea, or to cause conflict; I desire unity! Please do not get ‘hung up’ on the various possible connotative meaning behind the words (such as dating, courting, sex, marriage, etc).

This is what I hope to communicate: do not try to win her/his heart, if your intention is not to vow life-long commitment. Christ is calling us to an all-or-nothing marriage with Himself. And He asks the same with our physical counterpart. Let us not be lukewarm marital partners with our spouse… or our Spouse; we are the bride ~Eph 5.

**Post Face**
Several interesting things to think about. Definitely a challenging message to myself! I pray you are not offended by anything, but rather hear my heart. I present openness, on my part, for a meeting on this topic. As always, I am desirous of your comments—whether they be compliments, rebuttles, recommendations, or face-slappifications!

*~^*Post Face Script*~^*
[This portion was blank… until I wrote upon it.]

MY 2 cents!

Just lasterday I was getting out of my car at the school(OCCC), when suddenly I spotted it, one innocent little "copper" coin, sitting on the ground. Now the first thoughts that would arise in any normal person's mind are:

"Pick it up! You might need it for something... like a gumball..."

or

"Was it heads, or tails?"

Well, to be the bearer of all informative joys, I present you with this: It was tails... I picked it up... I found another as well, and it was tails.

So, all that to say "I found 2 "unlucky" pennies in the parking lot of OCCC."

But, let me say something of meaning (Since that's why you're reading this in the first place, right?) so that you can get on with your daily wonders.

The morning of today, as well as the aftereight hours of yesterday, I've been thinking (Praying, meditating) about something.

-Bet you're wondering what it is.-

Okay, maybe you're not... Hey, so I'm not so important. Whadja expect? I'm just Nathan.

Listen anyhow? Thanks.

This is a partially "touchy" subject. The reason being that everyone struggles with it, it's the truth, it hurts, and the more you dwell on it, the grander, more difficult, and more personal it becomes. No, this isn't one of those trick riddles, it's rather an issue involving the control of one's life.

Upon the "gift" of control of my life to the Christ, Supreme Ruler of things most important, and inconsequential alike, I assumed a "backseat" to this new driving force in my life. A lot of things have changed since that period in time; "freedoms", responsibilities, puberty, maturity (Somewhat), etc. Slowly I have unbuckled my seat belt, pushed the passenger seat forward (To give me room to lean frontwards; checking on the Driver), and slowly, but surely, easing my way into the front passenger seat. As I look in retrospect I see that I "so slyly" usurped the position of driver, supplanting myself as the lord (Must have done it at a rest stop.), obtaining all control that is "rightfully mine", anyway...

My eyes have been opened, the wool has been removed, or maybe an appropriate analogy for me is, I have received the most pertinent prescription of glasses. Yet another time in the short history of Nathan, that he purposely destroyed the reputation of his Master. I am appalled at my own foolishness. Surprised? Only partially, seeing as I've portrayed such disconcerting behavior in times past.

Well, it feels good to be in the back seat again, to say the least. Bedrock is some of the most comfortable material I've experienced, not because it is comparable to a summit peak, but rather, because of the promise and anticipation it brings; enabling me to see myself as I truly am, and who He really Is.

It's a journey, and I'm continuing on the Narrow Road. Please pray for me, as I will be attacked anew, now.

I guess my coins weren't too unlucky...

I'm 3

Wednesday was my little sister, Hannah's birthday. She is currently 3 years after birth. I was talking to her on the phone when she said

"Hi."

So I said "Hi." Then there was a little pause followed by a cute little voice saying

"What's your name?"

So I said "I'm Nathan." Another pause

"What's your name?"

Surely she just misheard me... "I'm Nathan."

"Oh hi, I'm Hannah. It's my birthday. I'm 3."

I love this cutie. ^_^

Thursday I saw Chris Meadows off... Had a going away party to celebrate his infusion to the ranks of Marine boot camp-edness. Met a few cool people, including one who will probably be joining YOUGROW this coming semester.


My desire to do/be(do{Shh... it's not time to sing...})something great is rising. I don't know what I'll be or do, other than this: I will be Nathan; I will be known for what I do, for who I am, and Who I personify. And mainly the last part, seeing as that is what truly matters. This life is too short to not be something great.

My life as a Pizza Man

As many of you know, I am an employee of Pizza Hut, which means that I do anything that needs to be done: cooking, cleaning, delivering, eating- anything that needs to be done.

I figured that everyone would like to know of my many adventures, so...

**Cue Amazing Superhero Music**

The Adventures of Pizzaman, and his trusty sidekick (soon to be located and named...)!!

Tonight I received a flat tire, while on delivery. But positive things came of it. One of my fellow delivery friends hurriedly volunteered to take my deliveries for me. They received a nice $4 tip, a pop for them. Thankfully I had a spare doughnut in the trunk. I know, I know... Like my father, you're all probably thinking: "Man, that must've been a stale doughnut..."

But forget tonight, let me tell you about, arguably my best evening: New Year's Eve (12/31/09). Went in to work at four pm, started preparing the store for a wonderful day, like normal. Several notable things happened; for instance, I was brutally accosted by a couple of young snow warriors, ballistically launching Frozen Spheres of Death at me, yelling "Get the Pizzaman!" I guess they don't care for Italian pie... I had another individual compliment me on my pen: "Hey, I like your pen."

Lemme think... Oh yeah, the cutest little boy explained to me that he's not old enough for "big boy underwear", because he still has accidents in his... Then he said "Thank-you, Ma'am." to me. ^_^

I'm not really sure what God has in store for me, through this job, at the present, but I am enjoying it so far.

Things are changing; God is working; life is moving. Oh, yeah. Do Hard Things.

-Nathan